Action

Greedy, vulgar, grandiose, mediocre. Happy birthday!

Ubu Imperator (1923) by Max Ernst

Mark Wahlberg is one inch taller than me and one year younger than me and he's an action star. Explain to me why I’m not an action star. I’m not an actor. Okay. What else? I’m not yoked. Fine. I’m not well connected in Hollywood. Whatever.

I would make a great action star. I know the exact tone to strike while driving my…