Dear Aliens: Vacations Are Fun!

Except when they're depressing or frustrating or sad or excruciating.

Dear Aliens,

I hope everything is going well on your planet, whatever “going well” entails. (More Bristle-Headed Snarfs running around than usual, and their faces are more delicious than usual? Just a guess.)

Since you’re my brand new pen pal, I wanted to update you on some of the happenings here on Planet Earth.   

This is the beach. It’s a highly coveted…