213 Comments
Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck automatic, persistent and haunting thoughts about literal bullshit things that happened years ago :)

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck wishywashy men and fuck their soft no’s. Fuck their “Play it by ear, might be down to hang” garbage. Truly fuck them.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

FUCK the wildfires!!!!! and horrible devaluation of humans that lead my state to depend so heavily on incarcerated labor to fight them. it's a crossroads of awful.

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Fuck conspiracy theories and misinformation and good people falling down slick, oily slippery slopes of fact-lessness. Fuck Twitter and social media and Silicon Valley's unregulated self-righteousness that allows lies to perpetuate themselves in private platforms.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck online dating and the endless auditioning for a continuous stream of strangers and fuckbois.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck finishing grad school in the middle of a pandemic in a city you hate... fuck all your friends moving cause they all hate said city…. Fuck staying in said city cause you have no job and don’t want to bring Covid to the doorstep of your 70+ mother…. Fuck not being able to see your mother…. Fuck not being hugged since Xmas…. Fuck stupid men who waste your fucking time cause they don’t know what they want…. Fuck feeling old, behind the curve, not brilliant enough, woke enough, attractive enough, or savvy enough to fulfill any of the dreams you’ve been chasing for years…. Fuck failure and depression and the persistent feeling of doom… Fuck the feeling of wasted time… And most of all, fuck FEAR, you fucking FUCK...

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

fuck the intermittent paralysis I feel throughout random days. fuck UTIs and the lingering fear that I'll get one if I don't take every precaution around sex. fuck the person who yelled at me when I asked for more physical space and the several folks who've given me death stares for masking (oh, Florida). fuck the inability to access human touch and connection with friends outside of my household. fuck cutting my own hair because I tried and yeah it's butchered now. fuck the pressure my marriage is under during this pandemic that is heavily influenced by my fears of getting covid and developing another chronic pain condition. also, fuck the guilt and inferiority I fight against even when I'm given permission to vent about things that truly suck.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck outdated ideas about how things should be and timelines and pushing those around you to meet these fictional milestones even when they were created loooooong before you ever even met.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

fuck finally finding a healthy physical outlet for my breakup saddies only to have it ripped away by breaking my fucking foot and slicing my fucking finger open in the middle of what was supposed to be my hot girl summer. fuck him for leaving me mid-pandemic. fuck this town for feeling smaller than ever. fuck not being in london right now (THATWASTHEFUCKINGPLAN). fuck the gchat notification sound. fuck flakey friends. fuck loneliness. fuckfuckfuck

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck being 26 and confused about careers, romance, your life trajectory and how to carry on in a pandemic. I am smart, talented and capable but everything seems out of my grasp.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck working through inherited and personal trauma while still trying to maintain an existence during a pandemic and being treated as if you're a psycho by your family for addressing said trauma. Fuck our country's two-party political system. Also fuck the giant hole in my ceiling, the leak that corroded the pipe and rotted the ceiling, and the tenant above who won't answer my landlord's phone calls because he doesn't want to get the leak fixed.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck older male colleagues in academia for swooping in to direct a project that has been in progress for MONTHS that they haven't even bothered to glance at! and for speaking over women in meetings! and for then speaking over the women who try to re-include the previous woman to be spoken over! and for generally speaking to women of color like they're stupid children!

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Howling on the Mount:

Fuckèd are the warmakers, for they shall destroy the earth. Fuckèd are those who judge, for we all do it but we don't have to be such dicks about it. Fuckèd are those who drill and frack and burn for millionaire's sake, for theirs is the kingdom of hell, and we're all fucking invited. Fuckèd are the straw men and the trolls, for they distract from what is most vital. Fuckèd are the deniers of science, for they shall dissemble. Fuckèd are those without health care, for they have been well and truly fucked by the Fuckèd who have taken it away. Fuckèd are those who fuck over others before they themselves imagine they will be fucked over. Fuckèd are the selfish shitforbrains who are so used to their privilege that they cannot bear being told "please wear a mask to benefit someone other than yourself" without imagining that they are being persecuted.

Bless you all for your FUCK THIS voices today.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

oh man! fuck the lingering veils of others' perception that make it nigh-impossible to feel like a full person. and fuck twice-over the many flavors of fear that distort the pathway out of said veils, this is taking forever~

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck feeling alone even though I can relate to EVERY ONE of these posts. Fuck it.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck capitalism and the seed it's planted in my brain from birth that my life belongs to the company I work for and that their profit-growth needs come before me experiencing my own human life.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck having to cheerfully ghostwrite a blog post today about recent S&P 500 records for a financial advisor who is so nice and decent I can't even be that mad at him...while my lead tab on my own financial spreadsheet is titled "When Will My Money Run Out?" Also, fuck not being hugged since March 11.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck my stress acne, and also fuck my stupid growing-out hair because I hate it and it makes me feel like a garbage pile even though nothing matters right now and no one cares.

Fuck all the hoops my partner is having to go through to find a new job. He's hardworking AF and deserves everything in life, except when he's being annoying because we're trapped in a box, and then fuck him too.

Also fuck the entire concept of "saving the economy" instead of, I dunno, SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the person that decided to yell at me the other day. I am working as an enumerator for the Census this year. We're at the point where the census has deployed workers in the field to follow-up with previously non-responsive residents. I am one of those workers. Yes, I have to try to knock on your door, and try the doorbell. No, "no soliciting" signs don't apply to me, since what I'm doing is technically government work. I understand if you don't want to answer the door for me. I will leave a paper notice at your door that indicates how you can still fill out the census online. What I do not understand is what is to be gained by coming out of your house and screaming at me just because I knocked.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck my boss, that bitch who sent an email at 4:00 and needs info by 4:30 but didn't respond to questions, fuck everyone in IT, fuck the CEO that wants to change the name of the new network that is on all the marketing materials...oh, thank you

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck unemployment one year after dragging myself through transferring and graduating from Stanford Shithead University. Fuck Congress on recess. Fuck Congress not on recess. Fuck no stimulus package. Fuck applying to hundreds of jobs and fuck being told to take whatever shitty and/or dangerous one you can get. Fuck the heaviness of it all.

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Fuck the guy who flipped me off after I changed train cars bc he wouldn't put his mask on. I just got up and walked away and later when he got off he came to my window and gave me the bird. I gave doubles back. It made me upset and anxious about covid for the rest of the day.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the little dysmorphic worm in my brain that tells me to bitch about my body to other people, inevitably reinforcing shitty cellulitic monkey brain comparisons, and fuck other people’s worms who do it right back to me.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

fuck, this is such a good thread for today.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck living alone a thousand miles from your nearest fam with your mom in treatment for terminal cancer and your siblings working in healthcare so who the fuck knows when anyone is going to get together again before any buckets are kicked. Fuck people that stopped clapping for healthcare workers and gave no fucks about them being omitted from any federal relief or support. Fuck couple-privileged house-owning agoraphobs judging other people trying to have a some kind of human contact or experience. Fuck mask shamers on both sides. Fuck sides. Fuck being worried. Fuck grocery shopping. And fuck flat tires.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the newly booming aesthetic med-spa businesses burning all our cash because we now have to stare at our own fucking faces for three hours a day on Zoom (because fucking everyone turns their cameras on! every day!), and fuck how fast my face fell between 34 and 38 and how all the men I work for get to grow Covid-staches and I'm saving my freelance side-hustle money for someone to stick a needle in my face so I can remain marketable in my field after I (probably!) lose my job. While we're at it, fuck not getting a raise for 3 years because "we don't have the budget") while my emotional-manipulator woke-bro of a boss sails into a newly created position and fat fucking salary for all the work the women under him crushed with fucking cinematic aplomb. Fuck the meds rotting in my guts that don't even touch this toxic brainsoup of rage and utter fucking ennui, and fuck! anti! science! bullies! in! power! seemingly! everywhere!

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Fuck the old man who finds an error in my writing (post-pub) but doesn't tell me and instead goes to my boss in a "oohh gotcha" sort of way. My boss isn't even the one who can fix it.

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Fuck not really being able to do anything about Breonna Taylor and Elijah McClain because police are too powerful, and then, you know, fuck living in a police state

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Fuck my call center job at a big hospital system. Fuck that we barely make a living wage for such an emotionally intense job. Fuck that because of our fucking shit healthcare system, the fact that the hospital is run like a business, insurances that don't cover anything, insane out of pocket costs, the shitty policies of the department, ETC I can't actually help patients like I wish I could. Fuck the management because I don't even need to give a reason. Fuck the CEO who already makes 6mil+ a year and is getting ready to merge the hospital system with two other giant systems, cash out, and retire. And fuck the anxiety I have from having every word I say recorded and every action I take monitored all day every day. FUCK IT ALL THANK YOU

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck my school board for reopening in a state with one of the highest infection rates in the nation. Fuck them for forcing teachers back into classrooms, and fuck them for having the nerve to tell us that "we're all in this together." Fuck them for deciding that three feet is enough social distancing because our classrooms are too small. Fuck them for knowing that we're going to have to go remote because the disease is going to run rampant throughout the school, and deciding to reopen anyways, for optics. Fuck them for putting teachers, students, and the community's lives at risk so they can appease the republican goons and get reelected and hold on to the pathetic bit of power they have.

I have old-testament -level rage about this. All the fire and brimstone.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck being 48 on my next birthday and still believing in fairytales. Fuck the stubbornness which looks like the inability to learn from experience, and isn’t that stupid “definition of insanity” either.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

fuck perimenopause. fuck the fact that alcohol seems to suddenly disagree with me, even in small amounts. fuck furloughs.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck moving to a new country when your 37 and having to start all over again. Fuck applying to a million jobs and getting rejected over and over again. Fuck rejection emails, and fuck their ‘good luck don’t reply to this email’ messages. Fuck them all. This will work for me! I will get a job I enjoy and that makes good money and I will make my move a success.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck people who don’t hear your questions and insist on giving comprehensive, uninterruptible answers to entirely different ones. With your question left outside, a little embarrassed and confused, but also fucked off at the attention this made-up question is receiving. But you try again and they still can’t hear what you’re actually asking so embarrassment no longer an issue and anger is everything. And you’re fucking desperate for the help.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck breakups, fuck prolonged move outs from shared living space, fuck the healing process which doesn’t move fast enough no matter how vital it is, fuck feeling bored in the middle of the day and realizing you have less to do now because you were spending so much fucking time caring about the feelings of some selfish asshole who could fix this if he wanted to but he just doesn’t want to.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the endoscopy I had to have, fuck the pandemic that means my needle-and-procedure-phobic self sat alone crying for an hour with a needle in my hand, waiting, because I could not have a support person with me. Fuck everyone who has ever told me it is "not a big deal" or "you'll be fine" or "stop being dramatic" or "it could be so much worse" while my brain goes into self destruct mode. Fuck the bruises on my arm. And also, fuck the loved ones who, when I tried to explain what a phobia feels like, tilted their heads and only said "well that makes no sense." No, it doesn't make sense, that is the point, if I could fucking logic my way out of this fucking primal emotional tornado I would have done so fucking years ago. And fuck the WORK that therapy takes, I just want to be fucking not a screaming thrashing panicking rabbit.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

fuck immigration laws, deadlines and fucking bureaucracy. fuck passport privilege.

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Fuck the way that depression makes you think everything is your fault. Fuck hating yourself. Fuck working too hard. Fuck anyone who takes their inner bullshit out on you. Most of all, fuck the GOP.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck wasting 3 years slaving away at a company only to have them fuck you over. Fuck having to look for a job while still having a fulltime job FUCK THAT.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the expectation to have sex with someone you've met only three months ago.

Fuck the people who don't believe demisexuality is a thing.

Fuck those emotionally withholding men with whom it is impossible for me to have a goddamn connection and therefore the possibility of sexual attraction.

Fuck how unappealing the whole of mankind is.

Fuck online dating.

Fuck dating.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck having to have vulnerable conversations when its agonizing but necessary for the sake of your mental health. Fuck communicating any other way but telepathically!

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the cockroach who likes to show up both by the toilet AND in the silverware drawer of my new house.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck narcissist choices people make, fuck playing games for unknown outcomes, fuck only getting laid with narcissists FOR YEARS, maaan

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck expectations of working mothers. Fuck the minutiae.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck Scandinavian minimalism. Fuck modern architecture. Fuck emptiness. Fuck white. Fuck the smug fucks on their beige-ass blogs who think they can tell me how to decorate my space.

Fuck the people who think it's shallow to talk about the aesthetics of our lived environment.

Fuck the sunlight. Fuck the cloudlight. Fuck that bitch from HR who would always pull the blinds up and trigger my sensory sensitivities.

Fuck the people who don't get it.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the senior colleague who thought I’d be down to supplement his lame ass relationship at the expense of my dignity. Fuck his girlfriend who worships his flinchy ass and thinks Harry Potter is literature. Fuck the movie star who extorted me into signing a contract because I was broke and female. Fuck this entire economy. Fuck paying six grand in taxes to this sadistic sham of a government. Fuck everything.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck deeply engrained expectations unknowingly passed on between generations that fuck with your personal truth. Fuck the fact that most of us would almost rather die than show some vulnerability towards each other. Fuck the fear that keeps you trapped in your meat prison. Fuck people that shower you with advice and opinions but never take a step back to ask what it is that YOU want. Fuck paying extra for wanting almond milk with my flattie whitie. Fuck it.

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Aug 21, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck death and fucking soul shattering loss

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck the fires that plague (I refuse to apologize for this pun) California and put so many people even more at risk. Fuck the corporations and politicians who don’t see this as their own problem and their own doing. Fuck climate crisis deniers.

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Aug 20, 2020Liked by Heather Havrilesky

Fuck old bosses who treated you like shit and stared blankly as you had a panic attack. Fuck the lingering feelings, after you've left that shitpile for a great new job, that you're still not good enough or smart enough. Or smart at all. Fuck anxiety over whether you'll have to fight with family at events because you believe masks are helpful. Fuck hating the sight of your own four walls after FIVE MONTHS in this. Fuck the inability to take a breath and relax before the realization sets in that nope, the old way of living is probably in the garbage. Fuck COVID and how it's ruined everything. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

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