But I’m not being cautious —right now I’m flinging myself out into a definitely ill-advised maelstrom that feels weirdly safe and right when I’m in it, and only dangerous when I talk to other people about it. Am I nuts and need an intervention or am I the only one who sees clearly that sometimes you can’t choose when these things happen. I’m digging with my fingers into the loam looking for red flags and coming up short but I still have to assume (for my own sanity) that I’m the only one digging. How can I be cautious and brave? I entered the maelstrom with uncharacteristic confidence and it is only my past idiocy that makes me afraid now.
Whew. Hard to address this in the abstract, but I think one approach is to stop looking for signs and just relax and be patient. When you're digging so much that you feel diminished by it, that's a sign that you need to try to recenter yourself and reflect on what you're trying to achieve, how you want to feel, and how you might feel less off-balance. I do this with a LOT of writing and also with a lot of reminders that there's no shame in feeling A LOT, and feeling very fragile doesn't mean that you're weak. xo
I want to add that when you have uncharacteristic confidence, that can give you a kind of high that's great. But you should try to use that in your life in general and own it in general and not treat a potentially mysterious or volatile situation as some kind of a verdict on whether or not your confidence is warranted, if that makes sense. Confidence is confidence: Enjoy it, but try not to do any harm or hang yourself out to dry for no good reason. Confidence doesn't have to demand immediate risk or immediate action.
But I’m not being cautious —right now I’m flinging myself out into a definitely ill-advised maelstrom that feels weirdly safe and right when I’m in it, and only dangerous when I talk to other people about it. Am I nuts and need an intervention or am I the only one who sees clearly that sometimes you can’t choose when these things happen. I’m digging with my fingers into the loam looking for red flags and coming up short but I still have to assume (for my own sanity) that I’m the only one digging. How can I be cautious and brave? I entered the maelstrom with uncharacteristic confidence and it is only my past idiocy that makes me afraid now.
TL;DR: haaaaalp!
Whew. Hard to address this in the abstract, but I think one approach is to stop looking for signs and just relax and be patient. When you're digging so much that you feel diminished by it, that's a sign that you need to try to recenter yourself and reflect on what you're trying to achieve, how you want to feel, and how you might feel less off-balance. I do this with a LOT of writing and also with a lot of reminders that there's no shame in feeling A LOT, and feeling very fragile doesn't mean that you're weak. xo
I want to add that when you have uncharacteristic confidence, that can give you a kind of high that's great. But you should try to use that in your life in general and own it in general and not treat a potentially mysterious or volatile situation as some kind of a verdict on whether or not your confidence is warranted, if that makes sense. Confidence is confidence: Enjoy it, but try not to do any harm or hang yourself out to dry for no good reason. Confidence doesn't have to demand immediate risk or immediate action.
Is there a religion called Havrilevskyism? There is now. Many thanks.