You should. I felt the same way when I had my job transfer me to a library closer to my father and moved on with him right days before covid hit on March 2020.
My oldest sister, the One Who Knows Everything, had been trying to convince me and my other five siblings that his dementia was getting so advanced that he needed to be In a Home.
My father vehemently disagreed. And flatly refused. "I need to be here on my acre with the wild turkey family and the possums and the birds and my country music playing while I watch the trucks drive by from my chair on the front porch."
I agreed.
My sister was right, it turned out, and though I was terrified to be giving up my solo life on South Beach, moving in with him for what turned out to be the last two years of his life was the best decision I ever made.
"They took care of us when we were helpless and would've died without us. And now it's our turn, no, our privilege, to return the favor." My best friend told me when I asked her advice prior to the move.
She was right.
You are exactly where you should be, precious Heather.
I am both not envious and also exTREMEly envious of you getting to live with your ageing mother, given that mine is across an ocean. I'm glad you're glad to be there, in spite of all the roommates.
Considering making my new tagline "my true business is the business of releasing your imprisoned splendor". Or at least put it on a t shirt?
"Talking to Bill is like being forced to repeat kindergarten." was the first quote I wanted to cheer followed by mention of the emoji with straight lines for all its features, my most used emoji.
bless you dear girl. them roommates gonna outlive you, but your mama is going to love having YOU for a roommate for a bit. Best of luck on the reno. COVID took my mom before i had the chance to have her move in with me....
This will be a wonderful time of year for your family and your mother. The holidays are a time of gentle remembrance and twinkling lights to be embraced. Stop laughing. I read that in a Hallmark Card.
My family lived with my paternal grandmother for 12 of my growing up years. There are difficulties for sure, but intergenerational living is very undervalued in (the broad social paradigm of) this country.
"Everything I do now feels like taking a time machine into the past. I reflect on everything that’s gone for good, and it makes me feel like everything else will soon disappear."
This is exactly how I've been feeling too!!! Probably because of dropping my only child off at college. Even though I'm only 42, there's part of my brain that thinks I'm literally DYING. Like I'm in a Terence Malik movie and reliving my whole life in golden hour on my death bed.
It's hard to be a mom and then have your kid turn into a grown up. I have big feels. Maybe he will move back in with me during a future house renovation or climate disaster. :-o
This piece hit home. We don't value THIS enough. While some of us are doing exactly what need to be done as a living, breathing human being with their living, breathing elders (or any families that needed care, really), there's this unspoken messiness of struggles. Thanks for bring this to light, and give it a voice, and articulate the struggle, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you are home, love you Heather for reminding me the power of writing, yet again.
Brilliant. So glad you are all well. My m-i-l lives in Hendersonville, and I can't describe the worry of not knowing. She's fine. It's getting better. She's 83 and sounds a bit like your mom. Leni LOVES the heat, but she's long given up drying everything on the line.
This is lovely. And I'm guessing you live in the triangle; I just moved here from another time zone 5 months ago too. Please be sure to share if you do any local readings or other events!
You should. I felt the same way when I had my job transfer me to a library closer to my father and moved on with him right days before covid hit on March 2020.
My oldest sister, the One Who Knows Everything, had been trying to convince me and my other five siblings that his dementia was getting so advanced that he needed to be In a Home.
My father vehemently disagreed. And flatly refused. "I need to be here on my acre with the wild turkey family and the possums and the birds and my country music playing while I watch the trucks drive by from my chair on the front porch."
I agreed.
My sister was right, it turned out, and though I was terrified to be giving up my solo life on South Beach, moving in with him for what turned out to be the last two years of his life was the best decision I ever made.
"They took care of us when we were helpless and would've died without us. And now it's our turn, no, our privilege, to return the favor." My best friend told me when I asked her advice prior to the move.
She was right.
You are exactly where you should be, precious Heather.
I am both not envious and also exTREMEly envious of you getting to live with your ageing mother, given that mine is across an ocean. I'm glad you're glad to be there, in spite of all the roommates.
Considering making my new tagline "my true business is the business of releasing your imprisoned splendor". Or at least put it on a t shirt?
"Talking to Bill is like being forced to repeat kindergarten." was the first quote I wanted to cheer followed by mention of the emoji with straight lines for all its features, my most used emoji.
So much relatable, lol stuff. Thank you.
Talking to Bill is like being forced to repeat kindergarten... THAT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY
Oh, man, I love this one.
Also: ohhh, man, I miss my mom (1925-2017).
kathy bates needs to play your mom in the movie 😉
your way of writing!!! :chef's-kiss-emoji
bless you dear girl. them roommates gonna outlive you, but your mama is going to love having YOU for a roommate for a bit. Best of luck on the reno. COVID took my mom before i had the chance to have her move in with me....
I'm so sorry 💜
This will be a wonderful time of year for your family and your mother. The holidays are a time of gentle remembrance and twinkling lights to be embraced. Stop laughing. I read that in a Hallmark Card.
My family lived with my paternal grandmother for 12 of my growing up years. There are difficulties for sure, but intergenerational living is very undervalued in (the broad social paradigm of) this country.
"Everything I do now feels like taking a time machine into the past. I reflect on everything that’s gone for good, and it makes me feel like everything else will soon disappear."
This is exactly how I've been feeling too!!! Probably because of dropping my only child off at college. Even though I'm only 42, there's part of my brain that thinks I'm literally DYING. Like I'm in a Terence Malik movie and reliving my whole life in golden hour on my death bed.
It's hard to be a mom and then have your kid turn into a grown up. I have big feels. Maybe he will move back in with me during a future house renovation or climate disaster. :-o
This piece hit home. We don't value THIS enough. While some of us are doing exactly what need to be done as a living, breathing human being with their living, breathing elders (or any families that needed care, really), there's this unspoken messiness of struggles. Thanks for bring this to light, and give it a voice, and articulate the struggle, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you are home, love you Heather for reminding me the power of writing, yet again.
Enjoyed reading this so much, laughed at times and also empathized. I always wondered where street piles go, too.
Brilliant. So glad you are all well. My m-i-l lives in Hendersonville, and I can't describe the worry of not knowing. She's fine. It's getting better. She's 83 and sounds a bit like your mom. Leni LOVES the heat, but she's long given up drying everything on the line.
So much to contemplate. Thank you.
You are good for your Mom. Maybe not so good for her roommates ☠️You are my favourite (Substack) writer💕How are the Zinnia growing this year?
This is lovely. And I'm guessing you live in the triangle; I just moved here from another time zone 5 months ago too. Please be sure to share if you do any local readings or other events!