What do we do now? How do we talk about Twitter being down if we don’t have Twitter to talk about it? Do we actually have to go on Reddit? I’m not on Facebook anymore. Does Instagram even work for this? Why am I wondering where my earthquake preparedness kit is? Help? Anyone out there?
YES. But we need an easy way to insert gifs here of people panicking, dumpsters on fire, etc. Or we need an acronymn system. DOF = dumpster on fire, etc. OK that sounds terrible.
In other major-crisis-related news, I just told my husband I was going to make some gazpacho, since he just got his tooth/gum fucked with by a dentist, and he said he doesn't like gazpacho. He. Doesn't. Like. Gazpacho. How did I just discover this? Who even stays married anymore, and why?
Twitter doesn't seem good enough anymore. Does anyone else wonder why there's not another Twitter that's basically the same thing, minus Donald Trump? Don't we actually need a backup Twitter? What if there were just a company that started Slightly Cooler Than Twitter? You could even call it THAT. I just don't understand why this doesn't exist already. Seems like a no-brainer. RIGHT? HELLOOOO? (Aguirre the wrath of god final scene gif goes here)
This happens with my husband and I, but it's because for a few years at the beginning of cohabitation, we would each claim to enjoy meals we did not enjoy simply to encourage the other to cook more. Then for a few years after that, we each became more outspoken about our preferences, but we also both chose to ignore each other on these specific points because, "hey, they said they liked this once four years ago!" Then we got better at communicating, so now we have conversations like this all the time ("Wait, you DON'T like coffee ice cream? How am I just learning about this now, ten years in?!"). This sounds like dysfunction, but it's actually just a good way for equally lazy people to coexist (it's also how I eventually came to enjoy cauliflower, so there are many upsides).
Dearest Abigail - The blue birds I have been using to dispatch my letters to you from the front have all died in a colossal orange shitstorm. I fear I may never see you or the children again. Please tell William Junior I value him as a laborer. Yours ever, William.
From the washington examiner 8 minutes ago: The crash occurred on Thursday about one hour before a scheduled Social Media Summit at the White House was scheduled to take place. The president intends to discuss alleged bias against certain political ideologies across social media. Twitter and Facebook were not invited.
I am hitting RT on this BUT IT'S NOT RETWEETING. God how did we land in this universe of easily manipulated populations and stupid shitty stunts by our insect overlords?
Yesterday I had a mammogram and the wait was 30 minutes and 1 minute in my phone died and I hadn't brought a book, and a nearby TV was playing some Reese W. movie about trying to get a divorce your country cousin so you can marry McDreamy? It was Not. Good. My mammogram was fine, though. OK I probably need a character limit here.
I just wanted the sweet nectar of thousands of random tweets to look at. I'm also watching Big Little Lies so I'm a tiny bit Reesed out at the moment. She SHOUTS A LOT ON THAT SHOW.
It's like I finally dumped my bad boyfriend and he came crawling back and I don't have the heart to kick him out again. I FELT SO FREE FOR A SECOND THERE.
how journalists are howling into the void: SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Twitter says it is investigating a problem with its service . Users across the U.S. and elsewhere are not able to access Twitter.
Yes but do you smell conspiracy in DJT's tweet from 4 hours ago: “A big subject today at the White House Social Media Summit will be the tremendous dishonesty, bias, discrimination, and suppression practiced by certain companies. We will not let them get away with it much longer.”
Also DJTrump today: “A big subject today at the White House Social Media Summit will be the tremendous dishonesty, bias, discrimination, and suppression practiced by certain companies. We will not let them get away with it much longer.”
I feel like we would've really started to make concrete progress, group therapy style, if we were locked in this bunker a little longer. OH WELL. *sighs* *kicks can*
I was working and didn't even know it was down until I got a WhatsApp message about it and then saw this in my email. THANK GOD. What if I'd missed the Twitter outage? Then I'd have nothing to talk about on Twitter when it's back up.
CNN: A conspiracy theorist, a meme creator and a plagiarist. Those are just some of the eyebrow raising attendees who will descend on the White House on Thursday for an event that will likely become a forum for airing claims of anti-conservative social media bias.
Wait...maybe we're the new twitter?
YES. But we need an easy way to insert gifs here of people panicking, dumpsters on fire, etc. Or we need an acronymn system. DOF = dumpster on fire, etc. OK that sounds terrible.
https://media1.tenor.com/images/0ec6307b0672b8a57158b8b42dc09b81/tenor.gif?itemid=11631439
that's the best I can do
I am soothed somehow? Which is sad?
#TwitterDownTwitterDown #ThisIsNotADrill
In other major-crisis-related news, I just told my husband I was going to make some gazpacho, since he just got his tooth/gum fucked with by a dentist, and he said he doesn't like gazpacho. He. Doesn't. Like. Gazpacho. How did I just discover this? Who even stays married anymore, and why?
Twitter doesn't seem good enough anymore. Does anyone else wonder why there's not another Twitter that's basically the same thing, minus Donald Trump? Don't we actually need a backup Twitter? What if there were just a company that started Slightly Cooler Than Twitter? You could even call it THAT. I just don't understand why this doesn't exist already. Seems like a no-brainer. RIGHT? HELLOOOO? (Aguirre the wrath of god final scene gif goes here)
twitter-with-moderation-by-nonbillionaire
This happens with my husband and I, but it's because for a few years at the beginning of cohabitation, we would each claim to enjoy meals we did not enjoy simply to encourage the other to cook more. Then for a few years after that, we each became more outspoken about our preferences, but we also both chose to ignore each other on these specific points because, "hey, they said they liked this once four years ago!" Then we got better at communicating, so now we have conversations like this all the time ("Wait, you DON'T like coffee ice cream? How am I just learning about this now, ten years in?!"). This sounds like dysfunction, but it's actually just a good way for equally lazy people to coexist (it's also how I eventually came to enjoy cauliflower, so there are many upsides).
I too am secretly not a fan of Gazpacho.
If this is the way we're going out, then I'm running out for some Marlboros and the finest single-malt I can find.
I am pleased to report that I have emergency levels of gin here. But uh very little bottled water.
Maybe that's what it takes to stop 45 from psychotweeting. Whatever it is, I love it, especially at the end of the summer.
You just traumatized me with the words "end of summer."
Apologies, I was doing Drumpf Junior's idiotic quotation.
Same! I will accept that circa Labor Day but it is only early to mid July!
Dearest Abigail - The blue birds I have been using to dispatch my letters to you from the front have all died in a colossal orange shitstorm. I fear I may never see you or the children again. Please tell William Junior I value him as a laborer. Yours ever, William.
From the washington examiner 8 minutes ago: The crash occurred on Thursday about one hour before a scheduled Social Media Summit at the White House was scheduled to take place. The president intends to discuss alleged bias against certain political ideologies across social media. Twitter and Facebook were not invited.
I am hitting RT on this BUT IT'S NOT RETWEETING. God how did we land in this universe of easily manipulated populations and stupid shitty stunts by our insect overlords?
The Washington Examiner is not a very good "newspaper" but that's still kind of hilarious.
It was the most recent piece. : ) NBC's Ben Collins called the meeting "pretty spooky"
Ha ha. Everything is pretty spooky these days. Or "Espooky." Is that a word or just an HBO show?
MSNBC described it as American Idol for Trump Meme Masters
MOLLY YOU ARE THE HERO WE NEED
It's lunchtime on the west coast too so this is very annoying. Where will I get my snark while eating my sad desk salad??
Yesterday I had a mammogram and the wait was 30 minutes and 1 minute in my phone died and I hadn't brought a book, and a nearby TV was playing some Reese W. movie about trying to get a divorce your country cousin so you can marry McDreamy? It was Not. Good. My mammogram was fine, though. OK I probably need a character limit here.
Oh look, you can't edit here, either. JUST LIKE IN TWITTER.
I will fight you about the watchability of Sweet Home Alabama, but still love you.
I just wanted the sweet nectar of thousands of random tweets to look at. I'm also watching Big Little Lies so I'm a tiny bit Reesed out at the moment. She SHOUTS A LOT ON THAT SHOW.
gif of Reese Witherspoon shouting. You got me there.
I was literally just looking for somewhere to post "thank GOD twitter is down" since I can't... post it to twitter
SAME
I'll forward any missives you may have to my entire contact lists upon request.
I just subscribed to ASK MOLLY https://askmolly.substack.com/?utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=pss . BUT I CAN'T TWEET ABOUT IT
THANK YOU. Everyone here knows what a hero you are, at least. APPLAUSE SIGN FLASHING.
https://gph.is/1SCmAL9
If this is it, then I'm running out for Marlboros and the finest single-malt I can find and hunkering down in front of this message board.
I came back 3 hours later because I like this better than Twitter.
Maybe it’ll stay down forever and we’ll all be freeeeeeeee
I am extremely disappointed to see that it's back, honestly.
It's like I finally dumped my bad boyfriend and he came crawling back and I don't have the heart to kick him out again. I FELT SO FREE FOR A SECOND THERE.
I am 27 years old and I work in tech and I am a snarky woman yet I have never used twitter, like, ever. Hmm.
alright I am making an account now, who should I follow
@hhavrilesky obvi
lowkey? I am kind of intimidated. twitter seems so go go go! refresh refresh refresh! perhaps I will remain a twitter voyeur. twoyeur
I'm all stocked up on bourbon, but I'll have to resort to group text for whining and rage!
how journalists are howling into the void: SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — Twitter says it is investigating a problem with its service . Users across the U.S. and elsewhere are not able to access Twitter.
I WILL POST ANY GIF SOMEONE NEEDS
Wait, what? I knew this day was coming. I just didn't think it was going to be today. Better stop for gin on the way home.
I'm trying not to panic
::obsessively refreshes this page::
Is it weird that I am literally saving open tabs for when I can tweet them?
so cold...so alone...rations dwindling...is this the end
Did anyone else store away some mini Raviolis? Because that's what I crave during the apocalypse.
IMPORTANT: the cheese kind with meatballs or just the meat kind?
meat mini raviolis. THE CHEESE KIND WITH THE MEATBALLS. I don't even... know... what... that IS?!!!
But I'm intrigued. Mmm canned pasta.
Annie's organic spaghettios... so good.
THIS IS REAL?
I'll have to send you some from Canada.
I've already accepted my fate. Y'all feel free to trip me and sacrifice me to the zombie horde if it'll buy you a few minutes' head start.
For what's it worth, the Oval Office must be in a blind panic. #Schadenfreude
Yes but do you smell conspiracy in DJT's tweet from 4 hours ago: “A big subject today at the White House Social Media Summit will be the tremendous dishonesty, bias, discrimination, and suppression practiced by certain companies. We will not let them get away with it much longer.”
I think I just had a little afib. His tweeting about dishonesty means we're already in the Upside Down.
Shit, the Upside Down is so timely and real, too real. I feel like Billy is Trump's long lost fourth son.
Yikes! I had missed that.
Worth it!
Also DJTrump today: “A big subject today at the White House Social Media Summit will be the tremendous dishonesty, bias, discrimination, and suppression practiced by certain companies. We will not let them get away with it much longer.”
I’m getting a keratin treatment right now. Those things take two hours!? How TF am I supposed to seethe with rage about five different things now!?
Yes, and more importantly: WE NEED CHRIS EVANS GIFS.
I ALWAYS NEED THOSE. This is the only thing that has made me question leaving tumblr.
https://i.gifer.com/Gea8.gif
OMG, not Reddit! Hahahaha.
Never reddit
Thank you, Molly, for being our shelter in our...20 minutes of need!
I don't want to go back.
Looks like Twitter's back.
It was a nice little community we had here, yet another destroyed by Big Tech.
OK WELL that was just a drill but at least now we know where to meet in case of a real emergency, right kids?
And that we should be stockpiling gin and mini ravioli. It was a very illuminating drill.
I feel like we would've really started to make concrete progress, group therapy style, if we were locked in this bunker a little longer. OH WELL. *sighs* *kicks can*
That it took all of ten minutes to bring a gang together, it means there's something we're missing with this status quo.
Big Tech can't destroy our community!
[is there a gif of Arthur Dent screaming at the Vogon Horde?]
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/CostlyIncompleteCoelacanth-size_restricted.gif
that URL is awesome
PERFECT!
I was working and didn't even know it was down until I got a WhatsApp message about it and then saw this in my email. THANK GOD. What if I'd missed the Twitter outage? Then I'd have nothing to talk about on Twitter when it's back up.
gif of black and white dressy audience standing up and applauding super fast
AaronBlake reported: At White House social media summit, Trump complimented his guests for “the crap you think of." So, we missed a lot.
I'm so sorry, everyone, i didn't know you got an email notification every time I posted and hearted. But not sorry, too. GIFS!
I don't love the email feature tbh. Have discussed this with Substack (they're great) and I'm hoping to disable it on future threads.
CNN: A conspiracy theorist, a meme creator and a plagiarist. Those are just some of the eyebrow raising attendees who will descend on the White House on Thursday for an event that will likely become a forum for airing claims of anti-conservative social media bias.
Later this week the senate will form an investigative committee to figure out why nobody likes them.
Does this mean I actually have to work on editing my MS? NOOOO!
No, in an emergency it is important to abandon all work and just talk about the emergency for as long as possible. You're off the hook!
I knew I came to the right place!